Whats next?

Your word is a lamp to my feet. And a light to my path.

Psalm:119:105

Accepting that you are abused is the first step to your healing and freedom, but then what?

The bible has some pointers till what you can do to get away from the situation and your first steps to healing.

Confide in someone; "Bear one another´s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ."Galatians6:2

You are not supposed to stand alone, it is expected of us all as brothers and sisters in Christ to support one another. Whether you chose a friend or a minister with confidentiality is less important. This part is about you not being alone but someone to walk with you when it is tough

Ecclesiastes4:9-10 Being isolated is one of the most devastating feelings and most used tactics by abusers to keep you in bondage, which also makes it one ofthe most important and most efficient steps in breaking the abusers control over you.

Forgiveness; many have been wrongly taught that forgiveness means to accept the abuse. But if we look to Jesus as our example we get another reality shown to us, for on the cross He extended forgiveness and remission for all sins. But Christs sacrifice and forgiveness doesn´t mean acceptance of our sins to continue, it is an invitation to repent and turn to God Acts3:19,  2Corinthians7:10.

Likewise your forgiveness should not become an acceptance of abuse!

Confronting; your abuser can be hard and scary, not only for the possibility of repercussion but also because you probably care for him.

But Christ gives you a way to do it that both protects you and gives your abuser a chance to change. In Matthew18:15-17 we are told to confront first alone, then with witnesses and finally giving them to the church.

This process is not for mediation or compromises but only to be understood in the context of abuse as an opportunity for him to take personal responsibility to change...... couples counselling or mediation of the marriage can first be attempted after he has taken steps to change.

This confrontation does not eliminate the fact that physical abuse is a criminal offence punishable by law, and it does not negotiate you reporting the abuse or seeking legal help for your safety!

Leave or stay?; Nomatter what anyone may say there is not 1 single verse or passage in the Bible that supports a wife to endure abuse not "carry your cross, wives submit, God hates divorce"  or anything else you may have heard, they are all taken out of context and only applicable for marriages where both parties seek to live in harmony and glorifying God!

So when is it ok to leave, practically whenever there is physical abuse or the threat of it, not only is this protecting yourself but it is also hindering your abuser from comitting more sins and by that leaving/separating can be a protection for you both.

If you have found forgiveness in the sense of Christs example and have confronted according to Matthew18:15-17 but he still won´'t change or admit to his wrongs, then by the text itself he is to be considered as an unbeliever, which gives room for 1Corinthians7:15 to be applied with spiritual wisdom.

For in all honesty the moment a spouse starts beating you he nolonger cares if you live or die, so he can not claim that he want´s to live with you and you are free from the bondage of the marital covenant, again under the same principle as found in Malachi2:15-16 that it is the abuser causing divorce.

Consider who you have around you that you can confide in, who can be your support in your way forward as you seek forgiveness for you abuser also hold him accountable and involve your leaders and others of authority who can both guide you but also take over and protect you if needed.

By: Gladys Okoko